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Spring Must Be Near...

...'Cos the world smells like poo.

You Must Understand, It Had To Be Done...

I am a good man, decent and kind. But even the most benevolent of men have a breaking point. I could not stand it anymore. Please, try and understand. Day in, day out, the sight of those toothless gums, the nauseous fetor of that puckered flesh, those sightless eyes gaping hollowly at me every time I return home. Mocking, accusing...

Don't look at me like that. I would wager you might do the same thing, in my position. I am neither cruel, nor lacking caution. I was mercifully quick. A plastic bag caught any evidence that spilled forth. It is as if they were never here...

The jack-o-lanterns will be gone with tomorrow's trash.

*Snort!**Cough!**Sounds of Bubbling*...

Loosely speakin', That meant "Yo".

By the sin-waxed mustache of Beelzebub, it has been a LOOONG time since I've had a cold like this. I'm talkin' about one those "if it's a bone it's an ache/rusty tire-iron through the ribcage/throat an' nose of raw hamburger/broken cheekbones for sinuses/bed-spins like a three-day bender/oozin' like a mucus volcano" colds. An' m'lady is only somewhat better off than me. We are quite the leper colony.

Not to say we didn't earn it. An' after a week of it, we are finally gettin' better.

Like some of y'all out there, we've just came off the costumed insanity of the Faire season, followed immediately by bloody Halloween, followed immediately by frickin' Faeriecon! As a wise young lady said, we might have "problem"*. But it's OVER! Loved it all, but it's OVER!! Ran my sorry ass, crashin' an' burnin', into the ground, but it's OVER!!! We now return to our regularly scheduled madness, an' not a moment too soon! So happy am I to have my (so called) life back in my (so called) control, I jus' HAD to tell y'all!

So...it's been awhile. Probably do some catchin' up here soon. In the meantime...

*HAAAAAWWK!* Ptui. Sniff*.

That meant "Later!"

*But we could quit anytime. Done it thousands of times...


Yes, that is a real commercial, directed by Rob Zombie.

An' then this...



Who loves ya, babies? Happy Monday!

Faboo Weather...Check.

 Easy, breezy tunes on the boombox...check.
Cold sake in one hand, hot, fat cigar in the other...check.
Beautiful woman in my view...check.
Pup all smiles an' frisbees at my feet...check.
Chicken, burgers, an' kielbasa on the grill...check.
Unconscious knowledge that Haters are hatin' on me right this second...PRICELESS!

Hey y'all in LJland. It's me. Been awhile. How's it hangin'?
Click on the image to see a bigger version and get all the details...
Startin' tonight on, of all places, TCM (that's the Turner CLASSIC Movie channel), The Drive-In is a-comin' to town! All through the month of June on Thursday nights they're gonna be playin' the likes of...aw, hell, jus' see for yerself...



The Head CountCollapse )

If you can't taste the popcorn already, there's something wrong with you. Seriously. Killer effin' SHREWS, man!!

Oh, an' last Friday? Vincent Price woulda been 100. An' Christopher Lee turned 89. Dig it. The Monster in me is hard enuff to cut diamonds right now!!!

Ah, well. Been feelin' kinda like poop the last few days. This'll do me for now. Talk to y'all later. Get that popcorn. Growl.
Freak Day at the Zoo - Sunday, May 8, 2011The jungle drums says it’s time once again for Evil-lution’s pugnacious progeny to creep, crawl, an’ slither over to the National Zoo for our seasonal fete of fur an’ fun!

At High Noon our lil’ brood of rude shall amass at the Zoo Bar (zoobardc.com) across the street from the Zoo’s Connecticut Ave. entrance for the accustomed “Meat-an’-Greet (plus the fermented treat...remember, the park’s dry)”. This’ll happen rain or shine, so make sure yer plummage is properly pelted or lubricated. An’ once the inner beasty is satisfied, we will then fall upon the park like leather-decked predators on a particularly fun carcass!

Now the traditional Sanctum Sanctorum for the Gluteus Maximus: We may march to a different drumbeat, but it’s still their Jungle. So anything homicidal, sexual, supernatural or pharmacological involvin’ anything animal, vegetable, or mineral contrary to the Laws of their Jungle will make Happy Naked Molerat sad...an’ we don’t want that, now do we...? So keep yer paws where they can see ‘em, or at least don’t get caught, or else Happy Molerat won’t go naked this winter, ya dig, skinjob? Click to see a large version of the artwork >

PS - Freak Day at King's Dominion is comin'!  Mark it on your calendar for Saturday, June 25th!  Stay tuned for details...

FREAK DAY AT THE ZOO - Sunday, May 8, Noon

The jungle drums says it’s time once again for Evil-lution’s pugnacious progeny to creep, crawl, an’ slither over to the National Zoo for our seasonal fete of fur an’ fun!

At High Noon our lil’ brood of rude shall amass at the Zoo Bar (zoobardc.com) across the street from the Zoo’s Connecticut Ave. entrance for the accustomed “Meat-an’-Greet (plus the fermented treat...remember, the park’s dry)”. This’ll happen rain or shine, so make sure yer plummage is properly pelted or lubricated. An’ once the inner beasty is satisfied, we will then fall upon the park like leather-decked predators on a particularly fun carcass!

Now the traditional Sanctum Sanctorum for the Gluteus Maximus: We may march to a different drumbeat, but it’s still their Jungle. So anything homicidal, sexual, supernatural or pharmacological involvin’ anything animal, vegetable, or mineral contrary to the Laws of their Jungle will make Happy Naked Molerat sad...an’ we don’t want that, now do we...? So keep yer paws where they can see ‘em, or at least don’t get caught, or else Happy Molerat won’t go naked this winter, ya dig, skinjob?

Daaaamn...

William Effin' Shatner turned EIGHTY today.

EIGHTY.

Wrap yer head 'round that. It means something, I just don't know what.